Shooting for the Stars

12:08PM - Things that irritate me!

Current mood: bitchy

10:37PM - If all's well that ends well....Is all bad that ends bad?

I always thought about that old saying....what if things are completely horrible but end happy. Is everything wonderful then? Vice versa on this week....everything was wonderful but ended terribly. And thats all I feel now is shitty.

I got home Tuesday evening and was lucky enough that I got to bring my boyfriend home with me for this trip. I cooked dinner and then had a chillen night with my friend...nothing huge, but just nice to be with people I loved.
Wednesday I just slept in (ahhhh sleeeep) and hung out with my boyfriend and saw my Aunt before she leaves for florida. Had some New York pizza and then went to see Harry Potter with the SAME peoples...After the movie my group of friends realized we were 21 and we were like ...We can all go to a bar..now...
So we went to some shaddy Staten Island bar and hung until 2 am and the night ended lovely like at a diner (because NY diners ARE 24/7) It was just such a simply lovely evening with a bunch of good people. Ash has started seeing someone I've known from my past who I like, so it was nice to have the pleasant addition to the group dynamic.
Thursday I woke up and my brother and I wanted to go visit my dad on Thanksigiving. My mom was all going crazy because her new boyfriends family and friends were coming over. So crazy, she kinda was forgetting about her own family....
We went to my dads and by the time we came back she was ready for dinnr (it was like 4 oclock). It was nice though, and I thought everything ws lovely.
Immediatly following I got to see Genie (unlike other thanksgiving breaks , on this one I wasn't sitting around waitiing for everyone for hours..things moved quick) and we went and saw RENT the movie, together. Then I went home to sleep.
Trouble continued though on Friday...BLACK friday. My mother and I always go shopping together but w brought along her boyfriend, his son, and my boyfriend. I think, because pf the group, she went crazy..... We always do alot of shopping on Black friday but for some reason she just seemed annoyed by it.
Still, I didn't think this was a big deal. She left us early and Victor snd I played in Dicks sporting good until we headed to hoboken to begin the Emily bar crawl 2005.
Emily Bar Crawl 2005 was supposed to begin at 630 but my friends got around at 8. We went to dinner at a really fancy place called Madison and began the bar crawl from there. We actually only hit like 4 bars, trying to drink 1 drink at each place, which I think broke down at Dippers with the $2 dollar shots. Eventually we got to Bahama Mamas and danced until we went back to my brothers apartment in hoboken to pass out.
My brother was awesome about the whole thing, and none of my friends were rude or got sick. Sat. we woke up and went to a "breakfast nook" under my brother apartment. It was cute and lovely and my boyfriend and my friend Sarah, decidedly are not getting along......
I had a good time, and after this Victor and I headed into thre city to roam around together. We went to Cetnral Park, and then stared at the stores on 5th ave. We went into tiffany's...and all I need to say in second floor..haha. I love looking at things I'll be able to afford in 5 years.
Finally we got to Rockefellar Center and decided to do the classic thing, of ice skating. Such a touristy ..movie like thing to do..but I've never done it and Victor's never ice skated, and I suck at ice skating..and it was perfect. It was sooo nice and sooo amazing, and I was soo happy. From there I whisked him off to Little Italy. We hit La Mela, the famous little italy restaurant and ate 3 pounds of food and drank a gallon of wine and we died,. We talked about too much....the 2nd floor...and we were pretty wasted. Which rubbed off 10 minutes later....
and we didn't get home till about 2 hours later...
and...
the fun began here. I get home, excited, to find a 4 page note from my mom about how upset she is with me...She didn't want to talk to me.
This morning I try to talk to her and it only ends in fightinf words.
Which ends in her calling my dad threatening to not help pay my tuition.

It hurts because..... all I want is for her to love me and for me to love her in return, and I wish this was easier, or I was appreciated, or that any of my achievements (perhaps the 3.86 gpa?) could be applauded. Instead, we fight.
I don't know how to end this any more, and I'm tired of it...

Then I went to my grandpa's...and he can't speak anymore, and he's so sick...and

I just...cried most today, I feel weak.

So


Is all bad that ends bad?

Current mood: sad

Current music: Because of you - kelly clarkson

1:53AM - Finally 21

After twenty one yearws of waiting, I am FINALLY 21 :-)
It was an amazing weekend, with some interesting realizations.
It all started fridayn for The Marine Corps Ball. I wore my Sweet 16 dress, funny, and got all dressed up. Victor came to get me and we met up with Alissa and Amy to go. Together, Amy, Alissa, and I were wearing red, white, and blue..haha. It was a great night, some good drinking and a fun party with a bunch of real nice guys Victor is friendly with. I really enjoy most of his friends. Honestly, it must have been sort of a hard night for him, since he's dealing with disenrollment stuff from the ROTC. (Because theyre ignorant)
Stayed up till around 2 am and about 3 hrs later woke up to drive to New York, which I think was kinda a jip. My whole manjor goes up for this hotel conference called The International Hotel, Motel, Restaraunt Show. Everyone parties and goes crazy. I went up on Sat. early to go to this undergraduate resrarch forum and present part of my thesis I had worked incredibly hard on last week. I get there and NO one knows where this forum is. I roamed to this career fair and talked to people there for awhile instead. With like 3 minutes to spare my thesis advisor finds me to show me where the forum is. I presented along with two other girls from temple university (who was representing at the conference ) We present and then they decide to "split the competition" and not give us a first, second, third, place prize. (I think I easily would have hqd first) Anyway, this was over aaround 3 and I was thinking.....if I stay here tonight and get drunk with the kids from my major.....and go to the BIG reception at waldorf=astoria, how much will that matter to me in the future?
So the crazy, "SAY ANYTHING" side of me decides, it would be better to drive ankother whole 4 hours back to state college and be here with my friends/boyfriend on the night I turn 21 (Since all my home friends are still at school). So I did. /i drove back and surprised my boyfriend by being here. We all began the night by drinking some grey gooooose! :) and yager bombs, ect.... at midnight we hit The Saloon and I got this crazy drink called a monkey boy ( mixed concoction of shots) we were all drinking a bunch and then "Paradice by the dashboard light" comes on and Victor and I end up like singing the entire song to each other...really funny. Eventually Russ shows up and him, randy, victor, and I decide to go to this club called Players. At this point I'm tipsy and Victor's drunk...which the bouncers at Players notice, and don't let him in. Russ and I got in and stayed for a bit, meeting up with some others we knew. Before I knew it, it was 2 am and Russ and I headed back to where Victor lives :)

Today it was my official birthday. I went back to my room in the afternoon and found that, while I was gone yesterday Victor and his friend Jason had totally ballooned and streamered my room along with leaving me a huge bottle of Grey Goose. We then chilled most the day, went to the mall, had some TGIFridays for dinner.. Finally it was time to go out again. Tonight my crew consisted of several people including Vin, Scotty, Brian, KT Holmes, Steve, Justin, Brett, and ofcourse Victor. We started at this bar called Pickles which is a nice sports bar. NO ONE was out tonight. I guess even though state college is crazy for drinking apparently not on a sunday.... We stayed there for a while then headed off to Cafe 210 just to find out I couldnt do shots there, so we decided instead to head to The Phyrst. The Phyrst was pretty empty as well, so we all got a round of shots, which I decided we should all do blowjobs (mind you at this point its 4 guys and me) hahah lol the guys were like "Blowjobs??? How do we do blowjobs?" or "I'm gonna ask to hot waitress for blowjobs!" we then decided to continue what we were now calling "The non drinking bar tour" because we all werent drinking enough by trying to go to Mad Mex which was closed. Then we attempted The Sports Cafe but they wouldnt honor my idea because in NY it expires on your birthday. ...bleh.....we stopped at G-man, headed to Bar Bleua and then gave up and went pretty sober to Canyon.

Long night spent with good people and not entirely sick? My kinda birthday :)

So thanks to those involved....
Being 21's gonna be a load of fun :D

Current mood: cheerful

7:31PM - Another brick in the wall

This rivals Thon weekend as one of my craziest here at Penn State. Thursday was my group dinner. A tribute to New Orleans, "The Gongoli" was a decent success but sooo much hard work went into it. I had a good time and my family drove down and ate with Victor and friends. I realized this weekend I've been hanging out with guys too much. In any case I was there till about midnight and my brother and Victor went out drinking. Must have had a good time cuz I didn't see them again until Friday. Friday was all homecoming events. We started at the ice cream social with the alumni and then I was off to the parade route.
Being in the parade was flippin sweet. I sat in this like 1959 corvette with TJ and we just waved at everytone for like 3 miles. Everyone would be like yelling out "Emily!!!" or 'TJ!!!!!!" at us! I felt like a celebrity. My 15 minutes of penn state fame. Thanks to everyone who was out there. You've really made Penn State my home, and I love you all... It was a great feeling. After being in the parade we doubled back to watch the rest of the parade and steal some food. When this was all over it like 9 oclock and we headed up to old main for the pep raley and coronation. This took forever long and lucky for me I was warm inside old main with the other members of the court. Unfortunatly my family and Victor were outside freazing their asses off. After like wayyyyyyy too long everyone was introduced and they finally (its been along week of homecoming events, guys) announced the king (TJ!!!!) and Queen (the president of greek life here at penn state - how could I compete?). I was actually surpriseed TJ won for king because this kid Galen is like our president of student government and he knows EVERYONE like on campus. Shocking results. ...oh well, for me it was time to take the
brother and the victor out to drink.
We went to two parties...both in the same building. The first one was a sausage festival in which my whole male crew was there. The ROTC boys and Randys fake frat. Seriousely like 20 guys and 2 girls. I like the ROTC boys though, they're good guys. Then we went to my boston girls place and my brother (New York) beat Boston (leanne and her brother) at pong. New York still rules.
Saturday morning we kinda said fuck making a tailgate and slept in. We slept and woke up for some breakfast, met with the rents and head out to the stadium to do a lil tailgating. We head into the stadium around 3 and I sat with my mom and dad like 5 rows up from the 35 yard line. It was AWESOME! This was like the third largest crowd ever to hit beaver stadium and there I was...feet away from a pacing JoePa.
It was a tight game, we shoulda beat purdue easier, but it was still awesome.
My parents (even mom!) really enjoyed the game and seeing why WE ARE...Penn State.
I love the new promotional videos and our new Zombie Nation Chant...haha.
Halftime I got to go on the field and wave and it was FREAKING freezing on the field. Seriousely. I died. Haha..but we got some awesome pics I can't wait to see and there I was.

In front of 110,000 people.

Amazing. After the game we went out for Italian dinner and said goodbye to the family. I think my family really likes Victor which makes me happy. Victor and I then met up with the crew...

Oooo
Ooooooooo
Ooooooooooooooooooo
Lets Go Drink!!

Hahah.....and we went out to Russ's halloween party in which I saw like 40 people I haven't seen in forever . I dressed up like a french made, just using last years costume, but I felt hotter then last yr. Haha. Victor dressed as bacardi Zoro haha. Funny shitz. Had a great time at Russ' and he was Austin Powers.

Finally today I got to sleep that extra hour and had my Eta Sigma Delta induction for my hospitality honors society. It was a good turn out event. Like 30 people. Went nicely and I got to enjoy the rest of my day.

I'm glad things are going to go back to normal.
I like a calmer life....

Besides...all in all its just another brick in the wall.

Current mood: tired

Current music: Drop it like its hot

10:43PM - I'm happy so I'm gonna update

Well..Usuaully when I update I'm grumpy or stressed, so I decided to make a somewhat positive post.
This past friday Victor and I went and saw Foo Fighters and Weezer in concert, and after driving for like 6 hrs...(UGH) we saw an AWESOME concert. Well worth the drive and the peach fuzz smile-ness. It was fall break this past weekend and we lost, which was uber depressing, but I'm not in the mood to focus on the depressing. Instead, it was quiet here at Penn State which I really really enjoy and I got to get s lot of extra work on as I pawned my boyfriend off on one of my residents to go out to drink while I did my work.
Sunday was a long tiring day but it felt good as well since I got everything done that needed to be done.
Yesterday was like the homecomming events kick off. I met the other guys and girls, and they all seem really friendly. THere's this dance this weekend in the hub and I (gasp) tried on my sweet 16 dress and my prom dress for it. Both fit....I now remember that I look good in evening gowns. It's exciting I guess, despite the fact that the dance will be in the hub.
The whole homecoming thing IS exciting. I never expected to be nominated and alot of it is setting in.
Examples:
-1 of my residents today start a "Go Emily" cheer in the commons today. I was like..whoa... ok. haha
-A friend I used to work out found out about me being nominated and was like omg omg omg omg!

It's just...peoples reactions, re-excite me. It makes me realize, even though I may not win, just being in is pretty damn sweet.
I am taking off the next two weeks of work as well to make time to do the damn thing.

Today I just had a relaly good day since I only had one class, I had time for the gym, a run, studying, and then at night the company presentation for Starwood which I wanna work for...
Tomorrow is the interview that could determine the rest of my life..and that's weird and exciting. I talked to some of the guys tonight about six sigma and stuff.....it's just...this is it. This is the real world. This is what I've been waiting for since freshmen yr and now that I'm here....

I'm happy in any case..or in a good mood..
I also had long convo with jenn tonight to add to excitement :)

Welp...I'm happy
for the moment
so I wrote about it.

10:09PM - Get it poppin?

This last weekend was totally insane. For several reasons....
Thursday night I had my first extended dinner class and strongly needed a drink after. I usually am very good with knowing when I need to sotp drinking, but being as though I was case racing a bunch of Marines (without the boyfriend...) I apparently did not stop myself quick enough, and that plus horrible food equals BAD. Like really bad. Anyways, I can properly say I actually blacked out to a point of none-responiveness for the first time in my life.
Now
Why do I post this on my livejournal?
A) I had someone who actually cared enough to take care of me
B) I finally realize I do have limmits in my life...
Perhaps not everything should be all or nothing??

Friday, feeling like poo I went off to pittsburgh to fly to Chicago for Victor's marathon, thus missing The Ohio State game that Penn State won. I'm extremely proud of Penn State, but I said to Victor over the weekend...I had two options this past weekend:
1) See a bunch of amazing athletes that I don't know
2) See the boy I was in love with make a huge accomplishment (athletically)
and number two seems more appropriate especially since he ran 26.2 miles in 3 hrs and 44 minutes which is absolutely ridiculous.

It's kinda motivating....
Well, no not kinda..
It is motivating.

It just makes me believe that when we set our hearts fully to anything, we can do it. There's no question. Just do it!

How Nike of me.

In any case, I gotta get this homecoming stuff poppin soon.
It kinda sucks that I still feel like my real friends don't even support me with this. It's like being thrown a peice of gold and then getting it appraised and realizing it isn't worth anything,
Analogies.
Fun.

But not everything IS about me. I know that. People lead their lives. Only few will learn to lead their lives with you as part of their life.

Yeh...

Current mood: blank

Current music: Ying Yang Twins...Live Again

1:04PM - The New Year?

Well today is actually the Jewish New Year.
Anyone who knows me as well knows I make a horrible jew. I really actually don't believe in the organizational stories, I just know I believe there is the g-d. In any case, some of the stories are still wonderful pieces of literature and one thing I've done every year since I was young is go to a lake for the New Year and throw bread in the water. This symbolizes throwing away your last years sins. How amazing is that? Throwing away your sins...
This next week in the religon is the week in which g-d is supposed to be judging you "Attonment" and deciding whether or not your next year will be "good" or "Bad" This past year of my lifes been pretty good...I'd say, and I felt I needed to go throw away those sins...so I ran down to this really pretty lake, almost got attacked by like 40 ducks, and then removed the bread that was placed in my sports bra and the ducks ate my sins. It was really spiritual like.
I think its amazing how this next week of my life could possibly determine the next year. Haha...I better think about what I do. In any case, Happy New Year.

Things have been very crazy...Penn State is ranked # 16 in the nation as a football team and the town in crazy. I'll be missing the game on Saturday against ohio state, which sucks ass ...but it's because I'm going to see Victor run 26.2 miles ...The Chicago Marathon, which I think is going to be more meaningful then just another football game.....Besides, it's not a question as to who will win ;)
And my Yankees! My yankees!!!!!
Ahhhhh
Sports = Love.

Meanwhile, I've got all this crazy homecoming stuff going on ...Apparently, I'm kind of a big deal? People know me?
Yeh...
I just never learned how to have a big ego, so I havent a clue as to how I'm gonna promote my own ass.
I'll just ride it.

And ride into the New Year...;)



Oh and this was in shannons livejournal and I thought it was cool....just goes to show you when I write the most :P

Current mood: excited

Current music: Sean Paul - We be Burnin

12:12PM - Mythical Runs

Wow, that sounds like a bad case of... ?? Never mind.
In any case lots is going on here and I don't feel like writing too much only to delete it again by accident due to my own stupidity.

Well I recently was nominated for homecoming queen here at Penn State. I kinda brushed it off and wrote an essay about myself...then I was a semi finalist. That was cool enough. Then I had this interview with scary alumni and suddely, I was a finalist (I AM A FINALIST) It's still sorta surreal. Me and four other girls comepeting to be queen of PSU.
You know what I say?
It takes a New Yorker to be Queen of a Pennsylvania school.
Speaking of it takes a New Yorker
It takes a New Yorker to know real baseball. And yes after 60 long games the Yankees are in first place, and yes this is important to me... It's how I relate with home.

Things are really busy here but good. I won't lie, I thoroughly enjoy spending downtime with the boyfriend, and it's taken alot of adjusting to this "Boyfriend at school" lifestyle. After three years of predominantly being single here at Penn State, adding B/F time is an interesting little conundrum especially considering both of our schedules. I guess that's how it works out though.

Well now
on
to
my
Mythical Run

Today (well like 10 minutes ago) I went for like an hour run around the golf course area. Its a relaly nice day, low 70's...not too hot definetly not too cold. I got to thinking alot on this run since my IPOD may be R.I.P. and apple is sending me a new one. Without music, I thought. Alot. About how far I've come these past few years..
But how far have I really come?
Like perhaps I was always who I am today, now I just recognize it.
I've always been striving to do more and I always will. I will always want to conquer the world and I see no reason why I can't.
So this particular run was mythical because as I ran...things were just odd..things were just a little prettier and brighter. Then this white cat ran across my way. Now what the hell is that supposed to mean? Well, I deduced since I'm born on the 13th, black cats are actually GOOD luck. So what's a white cat? A complete white cat. Somehow is THAT bad luck?
Then!
I continue my run in Emily land
Do do do do...
And I step on a cattipillar.
Ok, now this is SELF EVIDENTLY bad luck.
Why?
Because I prevented it from becoming a butterfly.
I think I do that to myself as well. I see what I could be, and sometimes prevent it.
I crushed it in it's path!

I feel bad.
Anyway, I also got my feet caught in a flower bush on part of this run and that was just...How can I make a analogy for this?
I sometimes get all caught up??

Hmmm...
Life is mythical sometimes.
I guess you just need to open your eyes

Current mood: awake

Current music: Wake me up when september ends

2:44PM - My life

So I just finnished literally writing the longest livejournal entry EVER about control and about September 11th and about things going on.
Literally like 5 pages long.
And then the computer deleted it.

Thus..
Welcome to my life

10:39PM - An ode to senior yr

- Who has one class the first day and watches south park in it?
-Who goes out the first night of class to celebrate?
-Who considers classes to be a social hour?
-Who knows 1/4 the kids in each of the classes?
-Who considers school to be home?
-Who spends her first day of class in a mall?

A SENIOR....


Wow. Senior year. It's been crazy already but then again I haven't really fallen into my schedule yet. As well I really don't have any real work yet.

THe first day I had Earth 101 - Hollywood and Natural Disasters
in which we watch movies and compare hollywoods disasters to the real thing. The class was loaded with athletes because it's easy thus making it impossible to get into. Thank you Schreyers Honors College.
after class I went to the mall with two of my RA friends and this was the first day of school. At night Russ turned 21 so I had to go out and be there for him. He was my first REAL friend at Penn State and I can't believe he's 21 now. I hung out with him until about midnight when he hit the bars.
I felt that this morning. Ouch.

Today I had three classes in a row...
HRIM 480: Hotel Mgmt ..which is usually fun but the professor is new and seems a little clueless. I saw a few of my old HRIM buddies throughout the building, felt a little celebrity like.
HRIM 442: Fuck...Hotel Mktg. I have some woman I will never understand, so we all basically sat there like ... ?!?!?!?!?!!?!??!
HRIM 405: Hospitality Law. I like this professor a bunch and as well I had the class with like 20 people I know. Very much a social hour.

Tomorrow I have 430, the death classs. The class to end all other HRIM classes.
Should be interesting.

I guess I'm starting to settle in but not yet comfortable with my schedule of life especially since I still haven't starting working which is irritating me. I need a job miserablly. I can't live like this for several reasons. I will be put at ease when I get a job.

Other then that I'm feeling very much like a senior, with some good friends, good times, and not enough sleep. As well I'm extremely older looking then everyone else on campus. It's a wednesday night. My freshmen (yes I'm an RA for 20 uperclassman and 20 freshman) went out tonight. Oy. This is gonna be a long yr.
Freshmen have invaded.
Which makes me feel even more like a senior
Like my time has almost passed

But not yet.
So senior year it is.....

Current mood: complacent

8:50AM - And all that jazz

So I've been back in the SC for a week now and I've found myself kinda sad about a few things

-My computer died. Although I'm happy to get a new computer it was just like another thing to add to the insanity of move in week. As well I may not be able to retrieve anything from the harddrive which wouold suck. I also had some sort of attachment to my old computer.
- I miss the home friends. It's always weird to be here without them at first.
-This is it. I'm a senior. Last "Back to school" Last week of boring RA training. Last time to do move in weekend...it's all a little surreal. My life here has a certain shelter that I don't want to loose.

Yet, there are certain things I'm happy about:
-Um, new computer?
- Seeing alot of my old residents/ friends such as Shannon who I missed for a great part of the summer
-My new futon
-The other RA's in my building are pretty awesome. Check out the small world story...the other RA on my floor lauren...her best friend and my best friend are frat brothers (sisters?) in syracuse.
- The return of certain hot people ;)
- Most importantly living on my own again. No mom and dad breathing down my back is pleasurable.


But back to sad....my sheltered life will be over soon and I realize that..
The insanity here is crazy and I won't lie, my enthusiasm this yr. is much less then last yr.
Senioritus begins :)

Current mood: tired

Current music: Let me hold you

3:45PM - The SAME

Tuesday August 15th, 05 -242 pm

Since I got home things kinda slowed down a whole lot. Untill….this past weekend.
Friday we all met up, her Syracuse friends, camp friends, and us..to go to Harold’s Deli in NJ.
After Harold’s we decided to go swim at Jenn’s which turned into a whole big fun event for me. I was contemplating going swimming when Joe and Sue pushed me in. I think I was swimming when Joe tossed me in the pool again and I was like “you wanna fight? Huh?” so we start play fighting. Then bryce and I started fighting and then it was Bryce and Joe vs. Me. Little white chick vs. two huge guys. Right…Man my adrenaline was pumping and I think I defended myself pretty well. Eventually after tiredness we went back to Ash’s and I decided to come back home to sleep.
Around 10 am Sat. morning we all met up and got ready to go to Sandy Hook in NJ. I as well invited Sophia but we never found her which kinda sucked.. We could have picked a much nicer beach, such as point pleasant, in which we all could have found our friends. It was a really hot day so I spent the beginning part in the water jumping waves, did a little sunning, and by around 3 retired to where Bryce and Dan were and drank some beers. By four we left the beach and we headed home to shower and change. I drove home with ash’s friend elyssa who I have a new love for. She’s a nice, genuine person. Good. Anyways by around 7 people started coming to my house, I rushed to order pizza, and by around 8 there were like 30 people in my house and we all were just drinking drinking drinking. I drank so much, like I can’t even recall, but since I had also ate, I was pretty solid. Around 945 we left my house and caught a bus to the ferry. We waited at the ferry and baught beer on the ferry (that was cook to do!). In the city, caught the train it was sooo fucking hot and got to Avalon around midnight. I was actually the party host and after some deliberation Ashley and I got in for free which was lovely. She met up with frat people who baught her drinks and bryce baught me a long island. Basically drinks jut spilled all over you at this club. I went onto a pole with Ashley and we pole danced for awhile, me wearing a black shirt and little black skirt. The dancing was good at this club and it looked like a church from the outside, so it was pretty neat and not a long line to get in. At some point there were a lot of Chinese guys around us and one was hitting on Ashley..so I did my thing to get hima way from her ;) This was after the bitches who tried to beat us up for spilling their drink because they left it on the pole! Hours seemed to fly by and I only baught one drink, a cranberry grey goose….$12. No more after that. I did some dancing with Aaron who is honeslty a cutey and a keeper for Ashels., Anyway…these cute guys were dancing with the youngins in our party so I edge my way to the cute guys and start dancing with them. I decided to actually talk to this one as well, and his name was jon and was a senior at Albany. So I automatically found jenn and they talked for a bit, but he seemed interested in me, which was nice. He baught me a drink and then it was like 330 am and there was big fire drill. So jon and I talked more until we got to dance and at around 4 we left. I did tell him I had a boyfriend! I totally did!! ;)
Anyway the ride home was a bit painful. We waited for a train and then forever for a ferry and eventually waited like 45 minutes for a bus in which Ashley faught with me once we couldn’t get a taxi. We reached my house around 630 am and most people stayed but some left. We slept until about 3 pm on Sunday. When we finally woke up we cleaned a bit and hit ashleys house around 430 where mom fed us all afternoon. It was nice and fun and I really do approve of her Syracuse friends.
I guess here’s the thing though..on the way home on the bus sat night I was really pissed at Ashley most likely for no reason but then I became quite upset, and lucky for me, jenn was there again for me. I have like this new affinity for jenn because now it’s twice when I’ve got drunk with this group of friends that I’ve got upset and jenn’s been there for me. Anyway I got really upset and at first I really couldn’t understand why. I’m like, besides being a little pissed at ash, which is nothing new …why am I sad?
Then it hit me….
This MAY be it. This may be my last time sheltered at home, with friends who care. Summer after summer I know I can return to this..the SAME thing, people who I love who love me too…and as much as I am excited about where I may go or what the future holds, nothing will ever be the complete same as this moment, right here. Honestly, what’s been hard to admit to myself is that this summer….in the beginning I realized it sucked and said, NO. I’m in charge of the way things work around here, and I don’t want it to suck. So instead, I turned the beat around and made myself have an entirely wonderful summer, in which I got to spend excess amounts of time with my best friends, a good amount of time doing two of my other favorite things: traveling and my boyfriend, and basically living the life of someone who is…. “Still a kid” And that’s it. I was crying on jenn because after this, I will no longer be a kid. May I be here next summer as well? Maybe…but then it’s all going to be real..moving on to a real job, or working 24/7…it won’t be like this anymore and I don’t know if this “Shelter” will ever exist again for me. I remember what it was like last time the shelter was pulled up from under us, when we all went to college, and I remember what freshmen year was like for all of us and I don’t know if I’m ready to handle that again. But I must, and this is why I cried.

I guess all good things come to an end, but crying for me, was realization that …these friends that I’ve had for the last ten years in life (Ahhh sixth grade orchestra..haha) may be gone.
Soon.
And it will be on my own accord, but don’t think I’m not deathly afraid.

I go back to school on Thursday and this may be my last post before then. Last night I had a lovely, wonderful evening with Genie who I will always consider to be one of the most amazing friends I have. Conversation with her can last lifetimes and we can not see each other for months and that attachement will always be there.

So perhaps I am lucky in terms of friends. These people will always love with and I will continuously love them. I hope the luck never fades.

I’m super excited to be going into my senior year, yet, afraid of what the end will bring. For years I was looking forward to the end, to that moment of freedom from it all, but the closer it gets the more I loathe it. I abhor leaving my friends although I am excited to return to school. Opposite of what I once felt when I hated being home and at school.
I only can pray this year is the best and that I’ll see the SAME people soon…]



--Cuz the ladies in the disco club aint the ones to be fallin in love with - <3
f the lady's in the disco club
I'll freak you in the disco club
And dancing in the disco club
And shaking in the disco club
If you take me to the disco club

Yeah, I'm trying to party on out
Step to the disco can't work it out
Let's get go and this party started now
Parties and getting naughty is what I'm all about
So many girlies in the house
With slanging ass bodies and perty ass mouths
After the club we're going straight to my house
(I got to, go to) Gotta get you on my couch

Current mood: accomplished

Current music: Black Eyed Peas...Disco Club

4:28PM - Well I guess this is growing up..

Today, my best friend turns twenty one. Well actually, last night after coldplay, and were stuck in traffic fior an hour and a half..she turned 21. On one hand, this is awesome, but three minutes before midnight she declared she didn't want to turn twenty one. Now, knowing my best friend I am sure she is more then thrilled to get the opportunity to drink legally, yet...I think this all goes back to us loosing our youth. We were once young, happy, and optomistic about life. We once believed that anything was possible.
As the years have drawn by, we are something different. Maybe pessimistic is the real word, maybe we are all realists at this age and long to be hopeful again, instead of something like bitter. The other day I sat at Ashley's house for about six hours making 200 cupcakes for her to bring to camp today. A shout out for being young again? I think so. Anyway, as I got to Ashley's house I noticed that one block away was the infamous "block party" event we were once always invited to. Times have changed, people have come into and out of our lives. I am greatful that these friends have remained... the SAME. I know with these friends, I could fuck up (which I do. I know I know..door ..foot...bad combination) and two days later we'll still be in love. In college, I feel like I walk on ice with alot of people. It gives me great pleasure making others happy, yet, I am human. I'm not perfect.... and ..
I'm not perfect. Lets investigate that statement for a moment, shall we? My life is divided into different pieces and you know what, I've done a great job of perfecting some of these pieces. But it's back to the baseball analogy here, when I say..I can be at .500, 30 RBI, and the greatest homerun hitter (oh! look at me I'm derrick lee!) yet, sometimes, as I round the bases I get tagged out. Or sometimes, I just strike out, I'm not perfect. Yet that's the story of my whole life. Anyone who knows me well knows two things about me which can be good or bad things:
1) I strive for perfection in everything I do
2) I'm an all or nothing person. - I give people my all, or I give something my all...or I say fuck it and instead give nothing.

So what does all this have to do with Ashley turning 21? As we grow older, I think this fight for perfection within our lives, within our relationships....I think it becomes alot harder to achieve. When we were younger, everything was perfect when it was sunny outside because we could then go play....Today, we want sooo much more out of life in order to consider it "fair".
Yet, we continue to strive for our older/adult versions of perfection. I guess, there is no perfect because, whenever I've had it, I've always wanted more. Maybe thats what each year of growing up is; realizing life is more serious and we need and want more out of it.

This is my last year at Penn State, and all that B.S. about college being the time you "find yourself"...I think it's true. I found myself at age two, but only recently have I gone back to not giving a sh*t about what other people think about me. I spent far too long trying for everyone else to be happy with me....now it's time for me to be happy with me. I'm a little scared to graduate college, so perhaps, I am scared to be growing older. I know I won't have problems doing well in school, getting a great job, all those wonderful things.....I guess, I'm scared to become an adult.

Current mood: artistic

Current music: Coldplay - We never change

12:49AM - It's good to be in love?

Songs say it better..........

I don't know where to start
Say I’m tired or throw a party
These cucumber eyes are lying the more that I smile
about it.
And all of my clothes feel like somebody's old throwaways
I don't like it.

It's good to be in love.
It really does suit you
Just like everything.
I'm happy you're in love,
'Cause every colour goes where you do.

I'm adoring you.
It's all good.
You're so beautiful.
I'm black and blue all over.
You're breaking my flow, how could you know what I'm saying
about it
When all of my clothes feel like somebody's old throwaways.
I don't like it

It's good to be in love.
It really does suit you
Just like everything.
I'm happy you're in love,
'Cause every colour goes where you do.

I feel so powerless
I've got to stop it somehow
oh come on, what can I do?

Why's it happening?
How's it happening without me?
Why's it happening?
How's it happening that he feels without me?

It's good to be in love.
It really does suit you
Just like everything.
I'm happy you're in love,
'Cause every colour goes where you do.

'Cause every colour goes where you do...

Current mood: indescribable

Current music: Frou Frou

1:38AM - Pimpin all over the world....

I'm in New York at the puerto rican day parade, then at night I'm
in New Orleans drinkin hand grenades, outnumbered by the dozens at the jazz fest, in
Mardi gras all the women tryna show me they chest, Heyy I'm in Jamaica spendin massive bucks, while the ladies all beggin me to masha tucks, I had sad
beginnings when with no fans, now it's all happy endings in
my lap in Japan, Heyy I used to think that it was way too cold til I went to Canada
and say some beautiful hoes, now I hit the Carribean every year in Toronto, then fly to Illinois to get a taste of Chicago(ugh)
The fancy cars, the women and the caviar, you know who we are,
cause we pimpin all over the world,
The fancy cars, the women and the caviar, you know who we are,
cause we pimpin all over the world..............

Well...these past two weeks, were exactly what I needed. A bit of a reminder about lifes simplicities. Basically, the things we all need in life:
--Food
---Shelter
----Love
-----Drama
and if you're me....
**A bathroom**

The roadtrip DID happen, and I'm thrilled. Honestly, just saying I Did it is a big accomplishment. Unfortunetly, a lot did not turn out as planned....but perhaps then, we should not have tried planning it in the first place.

I just spent half hour trying to begin detailing the road trip when I realized, no words could describe it...only memories.
I did all that I could to ensure everyone had a good time...but sometimes in life, not everything CAN be a good time...but it sure was memorable.
In short..the trip was PA-SC-NC-New Orleans-Chicago-home on 8am of the day I had a dave matthews concert.
Night driving was honestly, horrendous....Don't do it. Trust me. From New Orleans - Chicago and from Chicago to NY we had to drive through the night. It's scary situation in life.

In reflection, this is what I neeeded this summer. As I begin to fear for my future, I needed to cling to youth for one more moment.
I also got the side bonus of love, which, forget it..isn't really a side bonus it's the best thing there is in life, really...
I'm not one for the sappy journal entry, but then again I wasn't one for the three hour phone conversations at the begining of the summer...But now I am.
I feel lucky, I guess.
Lucky to have pulled off this trip and lucky to have found someone I really care about..who...really cares about me too?

I really don't know what else to say. Getting home 8AM Saturday and seeing Dave 8 PM Saturday was kinda exhilirating and a good way to end the trip...in New York City. My home.

Too bad a part of me is somewhere else....
Far away...


We were walking
Just the other day
It was so hot outside
You could fry an egg.
Remember you were talking
I watched as sweat ran down your face
Reached up and I caught it at your chin
Licked my fingertips

We were just wasting time
Let the hours roll by
Doing nothing for the fun
A little taste of the good life
Whether right or wrong
Makes us want to stay, stay, stay for awhile

Then later on the sun began to fade
Then the clouds rolled over our heads
And it began to rain
Oh, we were dancing mouths open
Splashing tongue taste
For a moment this good time would never end
You and me
You and me
Just wasting time
I was kissing you,
You were kissing me love
From good day into a moonlight
Now a night so fine
Makes us wanna stay, stay, stay, stay for awhile

Makes you wanna...
Makes me wanna...
Don't it make you wanna?

Wasting time
I shall miss this thing
When it all rolls by
What a day...
Wanna stay, stay, stay, stay for awhile

Hey love
Oh just groping you
Rolling in the mud
Stay a while
Come on love
Wanna stay, stay, stay, stay for awhile

Makes me wanna, makes me wanna stay.

Makes me wanna, makes me wanna stay... don't it?
Make you wanna stay... don't it?

Current mood: accomplished

Current music: Dave Matthews

11:28PM - Trippin

Today is moms birthday and we went into the city and endulged in a museum with my aunt. I think the highlite of the day was my sunt getting up on the ferry and being like, "Exuses me! Exuse me!" and getting everyone on the ferry to sing my mom happy birthday. It was hillarious.

Meanwhile..it seems like this trip is ON. So I don't even know when I'll be posting again, or where I'll be. I like how at the begining of the summer I never would have predicted it would turn into this:

(Sunday, July 17th) driving: PA - Nags Head NC (8hrs)
Day 2: (Monday, July 18th) Nags Head
Day 3: (Tuesday July 19th) driving Nags Head - Hilton Head (8 hrs)
Day 4: (Wednesday July 20th) Hilton Head
Day 5: (Thursday July 21st) Hilton Head - New Orleans (11 hrs)
Day 6: (Friday July 22nd) New Orleans
Day 7: (Sat July 23rd) New orleans
Day 8: (Sunday July 24th) New orleans - memphis (6 hrs)
Day 9: ( Monday July 25th) Memphis
Day 10: (Tuesday July 26th) TN - Chicago - 7 hrs

From Chicago we'll eventually head on back to pittsburg and then home to New York hopefully in time for me to catch Dave Matthews on July 30th.

This is crazy. This is insane.

I will actully miss my home friends alot, as they have been amazing.
I guess, I'm taking life by the wings....
I'm also really nervous. Potentially if this trip is amazing I'm going to really have a developing relationship on my hand...which, would be nice, just as well something I didn't prepare for at the begining of this summer
I like it.

My minds blank.
I'm ready to jump in....






Its easier to run
Replacing this pain with something long
Its so much easier to run
Replace all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret Ive been locked away where one could never see
Look so different, never show,
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head

If I could change I would
Take all the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame and the pain I would
If I could change I would
Take all the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all the shame and the blame

Its easier to run replacing this pain with something long
Its so much easier to run
Replace all this pain here all alone

Some things I remember but thought the soul bypassed
Bringing back these memories I wish I didnt have
Sometimes I think Im letting go and never looking back
I never really thought so, I never realized?

If I could change I would
Take all the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame and the pain I would
If I could change I would
Take all the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all the shame and the blame

Just watch it in the sun
All of the helplessness as ive
Pretending I don’t feel misplaced
Its so much simpler to change

Its easier to run replacing this pain with something long
Its so much easier to run
Replace all this pain here all alone

Its easier to run

If I could change I would
Take all the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made

Its easier to run

If I could change I would
Take all the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all the shame with me

Current mood: anxious

Current music: Linkin Park

8:24PM - Lying from you....

Is it true?
Am I not congruent.........
My actions and my mind..are totally off track with one another.
Like this
This isn't what I wanted to be...





When I pretend, everything is what I want it be,
I looked exactly like what you always wanted to see
When I pretend, I cant forget about the criminal I am
Stealing second after second just cause I know I can, but
I cant pretend that this is they way it will stay, Im just
(lying to defend the truth)
I cant pretend of who you want me to be so
(Im lying my way from)

You
(nah, no turning back now)
I wanna be close beside so let me go
(nah, no turning back now)
Let me take me back my life
Id rather be all alone
(no turning back now)
And anywhere on my own, cause I can see
(nah, no turning back now)
cause everyones lying from you
With me

I remember what they taught to me,
Remember condescending took for what I ought to be
Remember fussing and all of that and this again
So I could turned it up to the person who was feeling it
And now you think this person really is me and i
(trying to defend the truth )
Yo, the more I push Im pulling away cause im
(lying my way from)

You
(nah, no turning back now)
I wanna be close beside so let me go
(nah, no turning back now)
Let me take me back my life
Id rather be all alone
(no turning back now)
And anywhere on my own, cause I can see
(nah, no turning back now)
cause everyones lying from you
With me

This isnt what I wanted to be, I never thought what I said
would have you running from me
Like this!
This isnt what I wanted to be, I never thought what I said
would have you running from me
Like this!
This isnt what I wanted to be, I never thought what I said
would have you running from me
Like this!
This isnt what I wanted to be, I never thought what I said
would have you running from me
Like this!

You
(nah, no turning back now)
I wanna be close beside so let me go
(nah, no turning back now)
Let me take me back my life
Id rather be all alone
(no turning back now)
And anywhere on my own, cause I can see
(nah, no turning back now)
cause everyones lying from you
With me

Current mood: blank

Current music: Linkin Park

10:56PM - Fog

I feel lately, mostly, like I've been trapped in some kind of thick fog. My head really hasn't been clear and I find myself not being able to think straight.
Some may play this off as "summer" and that, you're basically not supposed to think correctly in the summer anyway...
Yet, I always am a writer, and always have kept journals... and it all stopped this summer.
At one point a couple of weeks ago Jesse told me he was having writers block, refering to his music. I told him I felt the same about my writing and I just couldn't understand it. He proclaimed that he felt his was from lack of ...I guess, the correct muse. When we are at school, or in the midst of total craziness, we are inspired...

Ever since I got rid of some of the negatives in my life from last entry in this journal, my summer has gotten ALOT better. Honestly this summer could qualify as one of my most fun summers since begining college. Things are great. In update of my friends and junk, we've had some pretty crazy house parties, drove to philly to go to Live8 (Which was awesome except now as I look at my ONE bracelet and reflect on todays attacks in London...I realize we are anything BUT one...ok sorry..done with my tangent), did July 4th in the city, Steph and Lawrence came and stayed with me as well as Russ and Hill.......... just so many fun things! .........
YET
Essentially...
There's still this fog that won't go away it won't leave me alone wherever I go. It brings me down when I should be up...and so I fight! Right? Because that's who I am I constantly am in a fight. The one fight I can never win, the one with myself, the one from within.

Deep, huh?

I just wish I could pickup and start anew. Just erase all of this. I know I need towrite now, I know I haen't written much recently because the second I start tpo type, start to write, the truth comes out. Now more then ever it is me vs. me and no one is standing in my way now. No one and nothing. No more exuses. It's just me. I have to get out of this fog before it's too late.




How long before I get in?
Before it starts, before I begin?
How long before you decide?
Before I know what it feels like?
Where to, where do I go?
If you never try, then you'll never know.
How long do I have to climb,
Up on this side of this mountain of mine?

Look up, I look up at night,
Planets are moving at the speed of light.
Climb up, up in the trees,
every chance that you get,
is a chance you seize.
How long am I gonna stand,
with my head stuck under the sand?
I’ll start before I can stop,
or before I see things the right way up.

And all that noise and all that sound,
all those spaces I have found.
And birds go flying at the speed of sound,
to show you how it all began.
Birds came flying from the underground,
if you could see it then you'd understand…

Ideas that you'll never find,
all the inventors could never design.
The buildings that you put up,
Japan and China all lit up.
The sign that I couldn't read,
or a light that I couldn't see,
some things you have to believe,
but others are puzzles, puzzling me.

And all that noise, all that sound,
all those spaces I have found.
And birds go flying at the speed of sound,
to show you how it all began.
Birds come flying from the underground,
if you could see it then you'd understand,
Oh when you see it then you'll understand…

All those signs, I knew what they meant.
Some things you can invent.
Some get made, and some get sent,
Ooh…
and Birds go flying at the speed of sound,
to show you how it all began.
Birds came flying from the underground,
if you could see it then you'd understand,
oh, when you see it then you'll understand…

Current mood: indifferent

Current music: Speed of sound - coldplay

11:21PM - Say Word

I'm bloody tired but I must sya I'm kind of mad at myself for my last post.
Do I despise the job I have this summer?
Absolutely..... but I shouldn't turn that into hating on my summer.
So far, honestly, minis the work, summers been great. My friends have been great. Gymming with Ashley has been a wonderful time and I've done some decently awesome things.
For example, Say Word: (haha)
I got to go see Yankees - Red Sox .
A few beach trips
Seen a RENT on Broadway for the second time (yes that was a sweeeet and awesome night, huh?)
And started something that could actually turn out to be real ::::::::::GASP::::
That, and honestly, I love New York City. I miss it so much when in school. We've been catching up alot, it's been telling me stories.... oh! And I passed Matt Damon on the street! Say Word!

There's a lot of sweet things to look foward to this well. Even this weekned I have Penn State friends coming to visit, I had this revelation last night about how like........good my life is right now! Which brings me yet again to that annoyanc eof why does something always feel wrong? Why is everything never enough? Really! Prime exaple...shoppinf this afternoon. I went to like 900 stores and actually baught nothing, nothings good enough at this point. Or perhaps? I'm never good enough for me...Say word... (Like the last journal entry)

What I'm trying to get myself to remember and believe is that........I have it all. Family friends, er....a good guy ;), some money, some good times, a job..... a house, food, shelter those basic needs. But what would Maslow say? Yes I've met the basics on the heirarchy of needs but HERE's what it is, and I actually just figureeed this out from typing this. I'm missing self- actualization. Supposedly that is the highest step, but I have physiological, safety, love, and decent esteem.

Self-Actualization

The need for self-actualization is "the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming." People who have everything can maximize their potential. They can seek knowledge, peace, esthetic experiences, self-fulfillment, oneness with God, etc.


So here its is, I'm throwing this out there, yet with my life it won't happen:

Chat between Emily and wise cousin Robin who just moved to San Diego:

HappyJG13: I want to ask you for some quick advice
Trusoapdiva: sure
HappyJG13: But how are you? hehe
Trusoapdiva: crazed, sitting admist all my stuff trying to figure out where it is all gonna go. what's up?
HappyJG13: LoL Let it take time
HappyJG13: I have this job this summer. THat...I'm not too thrilled with.Two of my friends dont have jobs this summer, really awesome people from school, ad they keep talking about doing a road trip. Part of me is thinking, what better time...?
Trusoapdiva: and you want to know if you should quit and go with them?
HappyJG13: What is your opinion. LoL
Trusoapdiva: it's all about bridge burning, if you can leave without burning a bridge (you never know you may end up working at that corporation again and some of these people could end up being your boss again or something.
HappyJG13: But see I thoguht about that alot and ...after this marriott experience.. i dont know if I'd want to work with them again
Trusoapdiva: OK but think about this, your boss or those there may be at starwood or holiday inn or any other place you end up so you still need to not burn a bridge. But that said, you also don't want to stay in an environment that is going to be counter productive for you and make you look like a bad employee. So there must be a way to gently quit without burning the bridge.
HappyJG13: Hmmm....maybe I'll warn them that I need to leave early? Nothings decided yet, its just...when again in my life will I get this opportunity if it does knock?
Trusoapdiva: I hear you. You could say you just found out you need to take a class that is offered this summer that is a requirement for graduation. You didn't think it would be offered but it's offered for your second summer session and if you don't take it now you won't be able to graduate in time .
HappyJG13: LoL I was thinking something flimsy along those lines. But i wonder how the family would react to the road tripping.
Trusoapdiva: why not just say the Marriott job ended early .
Trusoapdiva: Btw, would this road trip land you out here at all?
HappyJG13: ;) I would hope so!
HappyJG13: I think they want to do like a NY - CA type desal
Trusoapdiva: awesome, I hope so as well.
Trusoapdiva: how many of you going?
HappyJG13: if it worked there would be 3-4 of us (nothing is definite...because its a flimsy type thing....issues such as money, driivng, gas, timing...ect)

Trusoapdiva: and when are you guys thinking of leaving? Could you give decent notice? I think if it would work out you should do it. How many chances will you have to do this?
HappyJG13: That's my point exactly. And I never plan on being a cocktail waitress in my future so I'm nt really thinking. Possibly mid july? I would obviousely keep you posted. But the fact that I'm actually talking about it makes it a little more real
Trusoapdiva: it sounds like they're just taking advantage of the summer help

4:21PM - Going with the flow and not thinking, huh?

Wow....So like we're already a month into this summer aren't we? When did that happen? It's been good to be home but at the same time, I actually would rather be at school. Yes I'm gonna get killed for saying this. Not because of my friends here, they've been great, but more because I absolutely loathe my job. I actually hate it. This is the summer before my senor year and this is NOT what I want to be doing.
Basically the Marriott treats me like I'm some stupid kid, never gave me an orientation and threw me into a job that requires me to do things such as "bus tables". I really don't need to make an hour and a half commute everyday to "bus tables". Come on now.
So, 40 hours a week of work, waking up at 5 am, and gymming everyday have been the basics of my summer. With the weekend I try to forget that work exists.
Other then that, I've just kind of been going with the flow all summer...the flow leads you into random situations with marines. ;) Right LoL. I'm just having a problem visualizing the rest of my summer like that. Not that it isn't passing quickly, IT IS...but I'd really rather be doing almost anything else. Which scares me a little because, if I hate this so much, how am I going to deal when I graduate?
Oh wait. Let me stop, now I'm thinking.

So basically, I'll assume the role of mindless this summer, and stop thinking. I also HAVEN'T been writing much this summer which sort of upsets me. Usually summer is a time for me to STOP the daily craziness and reflect upon my life. Yet, I actually don't even have TIME to write...i.e. TIME to think...

Honestly, I need a vacation from life.
Want to give me one?

Someone asked me today "How's break?"
and I responded...

"Break?"


I’ve got another confession to make
I’m your fool
Everyone’s got their chains to break
Holdin’ you

Were you born to resist or be abused?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Are you gone and onto someone new?
I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn’t have
But had no use
I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I brake loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can’t choose
I swear I’ll never give in
I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Oh...

Oh...Oh...Oh...Oh...

Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
The life, the love
You die to heal
The hope that starts
The broken hearts
You trust, you must
Confess

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

I’ve got another confession my friend
I’m no fool
I’m getting tired of starting again
Somewhere new

Were you born to resist or be abused?
I swear I’ll never give in
I refuse

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Has someone taken your faith?
Its real, the pain you feel
You trust, you must
Confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Oh...

Current mood: blah

Current music: Best of you - Foo Fighters